Mary, Martha and Frost

The Bible story of Mary and Martha has always given me a smug satisfaction. It's proof!Jesus loves slackers! Laziness wins!

It's a little deeper than that, of course.

This morning, I woke up in a funk again. Day 3 of a hormonal blitz--where everything is hopeless, I am irritated with everyone and I can't find my smile. These moods don't usually last forever--my average is one mopey day a month. But for some reason--this dip was a truly long-lasting fog monster and I was at the depths of dispair as I started my day.

When I got back in the house, kids safely on the bus, I surveyed the work to be done. There were plates to be rinsed off and put in the dishwasher, clothes in the mudroom to go upstairs, discarded halloween candy wrappers to be thrown away--you get the drift.

I ignored the chaos and went to read a little from the Bible in my sunny chair and pray. That usually helps, but not today. I looked out the window at the first considerable frost on the grass and decided to go out on my deck. It's been a warm Fall and I haven't felt cold like this in sometime. I sat down on my deck which was speckled with dew and put on some of my favorite songs--Wildflowers, Tom Petty and Beautiful Boy, John Lennon. I started to cry. Really ugly, sob-like crying. This was a wonderful release of the unnamed sadness I had been feeling. After a while, I dug my hands into the frosty grass and gripped the earth, then lifted my hands to smell the scent. Water, tree and grass, permeated my hard shell.

Feeling the tug to go be productive, I delayed once more and put the Ravi Shankar station on Pandora. (As a big fan of George Harrison, I have recently come to love the hypnotic and peaceful music of his mentor, Ravi.) I observed the sparkling areas of sunlit frosted grass and the deepening line of greener grass that had felt the warmth of the sun. I listened to the geese above and the wind in the remaining leaves. I saw the shadow of the trees drawing lines through

the ombre grass. And the glorious sun beaming through the forest--beckoning me to linger and heal.

How beautiful! This is a miracle! How can such a stunning show be here to see and I may have missed it?

Because, I am creature of our culture. I must be productive! Nagging thoughts of what I have accomplished.

"What did you do today, Jen?"

"Well..., glad you asked! I watched the ground defrost for a good hour."

"Oh, you did? Wow! Impressive! Good for you!"

But that is just what I did. I feel like myself again. I have perspective. I am in awe of the beautiful mystery of this world and I absolutely know that God wants to be admired. And that is why Martha needs to chill out. It's not about the routine, achievement and tradition. Jesus didn't want Mary to be toiling away in the kitchen when he had come to visit. He didn't need a ceremonial welcoming refreshment. He wanted to spend time with her.

We are here to love and be loved. We are to take the time we need to find ourselves again when we feel lost. We are to admire the awesome beauty of this world. It is not laziness. It is what is important--what is essential to our spirit.